It's frightfully terribly hard to be a lady
There's so many Ps and Qs you have to mind
But the rewards I guarantee are rich and varied
And worth all of the effort, you will find
Your posture must be perfect
And your diction crisp and clear
Your speaking voice mellifluous and pleasing to the ear
Your legs are crossed when seated
Your toes are pointed so
Your pinkies raised while drinking
But that's not all you need to know

(Tune changes to a heavier punk sound)

You mustn't curse or spit or tattle, never gossip
A lady never scratches, sweats, or burps
She knows which knife and fork and spoon to use and when
And if soup is served it's impolite to slurp

It's always "please and thank you, sir or madam"
Never brash or loud or putting on a show
A lady is demure, reserved and proper
And that is really all you need to know