Bought a candy bar the other day
Only ate half, she's gonna throw the rest away
When I saw this kid playing in the street
I said "Hey kid, you want something to eat?"
He said "What?"
I said "Candy, son" He said "Help!"
Then he started to run
And I stood there
Watching him go
Half a bar of chocolate
Running down my fingers

Well, the kid comes back in a minute or two
But his mom's with him and the neighbors too
And they got the kid scared, it's plain to see
They say "Which one done it?" he points at me
He says "Him". I say "What do you mean?"
He says "You" then he starts to scream
And I'm standing, everybody's looking
Everybody's staring at me

"Howdy doody, y'all waiting for the bus?
Ah, a little late isn't it? 
Anybody got a watch? 
We could, uh, see how late it is 
I got a better idea 
Let's find somebody with a watch and stare at him!"

Well, some start picking up baseball bats
And the others are pulling the pins from their hats 
I think this thing's gone a little too far
Hell, I only offered him a candy bar!
I said "Wait!"
I said "What are you doing?"
They said "Prevert, the kid's life is ruined!"
"Oh, oh well, then you better check what he's chewing
'Cause I got the feeling
He's in the middle of a bubble gum orgy!"

Well, they're coming at me and I'm backing away
And then I hear this policeman say
"Are you positive, he's the right man?"
(I quick flicked the candy bar out of my hand).
He says "Show me"
I says "Show you what?"
He says "The candy bar, you degen-a-rut" and he grabs me
He grabs both my hands
Pretty easy to see 
Which hand's got the chocolate!

Well, I've had some troubled times before
But none like the trip from the candy store 
Sympathize with the kid all right
Somebody's nice to you, probably ain't right
I'll grow up, I'll learn the way
I'll learn so that my later days'll be prosperous.
Chocolate covered
if I don't bite off more than I can hide