How do you kill your wife's lover
When you are someone like me
Brought up to behave respectably
How do you kill your wife's lover
When you are someone like me
Brought up in a religious family

It would take me too much time
And I have no time to spare
For I work from morning until night
Night, it cannot be at night
Day, it cannot be by day
And Sundays I always like to keep free
And even if I weren't such a mouse
It would still bring shame on me
To sully my good reputation
So I have to sleep out in the garage
While they are sleeping in my bed
And I'm the one
Who does all
Of the housework
And I have
To eat out in the shed
How do you kill
Your wife's lover
When you are
Someone like me
Brought up
To behave respectably

Arsenic no
That would take too long
A revolver
But that's too quick
Friendship?
I still have my pride
Contempt
That's a sin

How do you kill your wife's lover
When, like I have, you've received
A gold medal for being a coward
How do you kill your wife's lover
When you do not even dare
To say it to him with flowers

And because I am afraid
To complain about all this
He tells me
That love fills a man with fear
And even though he's unemployed
He tells me
While he's punching me
It's well known that love
Makes one indigent
He always seems to be amused
To see a man of my age lose
His wife and eleven kids
As I cook them breakfast
In the kitchen
As I beat the carpets
And the dogs
As each evening
I sing love songs
For them
It really begins
To piss me off

But why kill my wife's lover
When it is because of me
He is plagued
With syphilitic sores
But why kill my wife's lover
When it is because of me
He'll be on penicillin evermore