Ellen, I fell in big loving with you. 

I saw you by that pool. 

I thought you thought I was cool. 

I felt a longing in my tool. 

So dye your hair 

Or change your name 

Have your left arm surgically removed 

No matter what you do 

I'll be in love with you. 

Ellen, I fell in big loving with you. 

You like corn, you like twelve, 

You keep a pomade on your shelf 

You've got a walnut like myself. 

You've got grooves 

And you've got shoes 

And even though you lose your marbles 

And you panic in a crisis I'm in love with you. 

Pose was once your man but you scared him away. 

Now your man is Dan (that's me!) 

And I am here to stay. 

Ellen, I fell in big loving with you. 

Ellen, I fell in big loving with you. 

If you were blind in one eye, quadriplegic 

Or if you lost all your teeth 

So that I had to chew your food for you, 

No matter what you do, 

I'll be in love with you!