Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first was the wife of a deacon in Dover
And though she was known as a bit of a rover
She liked it so much that she thought she'd stay over
And nobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The next was an athletic lady named Murdell
Hang over the like a steeplechase 
The glasses
Bobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The next old lady was Abigail Humphrey
Who settled inside to make herself comfy
And then she found out she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The next old lady was old Mrs. Bickle
Who found herself caught in a desperate pickle
She stuck in a pay booth, she hadn't a nickel
And nobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The next was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
Who went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The next old lady, Elizabeth Spender
Who was doing all right 'til a vagrant suspender
Got all twisted up in her feminine gender
And nobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The last was a lady named Jennifer Kim
She always sat down on a personal whim,
But she somehow got stuck twixt the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there