* parody of ll cool j's I need love

When I come home from work
I'm fiendin' for an eight-ball
I got crack on my mind
I'm hearing cocaine call
Telling me to beep the dealer to deliver me stuff
Keep it a secret from my wife, cuz she thinks I don't use drugs
There I was, bleeding from my nose and damn
I couldn't breathe but I'm still thinking about the next gram
It's friday night and I'm not trying to leave my crib doped
I'll kill myself while the dealer's eating japanese food
I ain't got no pride, I'm buying this shit
I'm lying to myself telling the runner I'm trying to quit
It's all make believe, I pretend that I'm ? ? 
When you give me credit, I'm dodging you every chance that I get
Even if it's good, I'll sniff it up in a minute
Beep you back complain that you put too much cut in it
If you fall for that and bring me a new sack
I'll be making more crazy faces than jim carrey on crack
Cuz yo I'm ripped, I owe you loot
Plus I annoy you
I deserve to be murdered, but the coke is doing it for you
I got nerve, can you put them pills on my bill
Yo I'll you we're friends and we don't even chill
I need drugs

I need drugs

Baking soda, cocaine, how sweet
I need to find me a crack pipe and I'm complete
I got these crack dealers chasing me through the cement jungle
Cuz they gave me shit to sell and yo I smoked the whole bundle
Yo I can't front - I got dope in my spleen
And I'm telling everyone at this n.a. meeting I'm thirty days clean
I won't die even with tuberculosis
I could go on forever mixing dope with my method dosage
You could find me at brighton beach or coney island
Or rikers island
My crack pipe is my violin
I play along to the police siren
My eyes squint looking for crack on the floor
Picking up breadcrumbs and lint
I don't know who I am, ask me I couldn't say
I took a chance and tried to get clean and it lasted one day
Tried to go to rehab too but couldn't get admitted
And if there's money missing from your pocketbook you know who did it
I need drugs

I need drugs

As a young teen I started with marijuana
Then graduated to coke cuz I needed something stronger
Mescaline, dust, downers, injections sensation
I love to experience a patient's medication
I smoked the drugs off the back of my hands
All I need is a hit of it and I'll create a new dance
Protect yourself, baby cover yourself up
My body swings all over once my seizure erupts
Into a frenzy, on the phone I got thirty sack
But when we meet face-to-face, I got ten dollars less
Made up my mind, I'm quittin' I'm swearing in tears
I'm not gonna get high, I'll only drink bizz
Can't sit and wait for my dealer to come provide it
Gotta party to go to and I'm the only one invited
I search the entire house for the damn white mouse
And when I finally find it, I'll sniff the whole ounce
I need drugs

I need drugs

Dealer, listen to me
When I come home from work
Fiendin' for an eight-ball
Nose candy on my mind
I've come to realize, you need me
And if you want me to keep coppin'
Give me a free piece
It's my birthday
Yesterday
Anyway
I'm gonna go sniff this
I'll beep you in an hour
I hate you