From: gbowerma@acs.ucalgary.ca
Subject: CRD: Plastic_Jesus : misc_soundtrack (Cool Hand Luke)

From the original posting by Bo Parker
bo_parker@fbpmac.msfc.nasa.gov who derived the lyrics from
all over the place.  Featured in "Cool Hand Luke."

The following are the definitive "Plastic Jesus" lyrics
and then some, from Bo Parker's posting to alt.guitar.tab
last March - optional chords in parentheses :
C                        (C7)
Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
F
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
C                             D7
Riding on the dashboard of my car
C
Through all trials and tribulations,
F
We will travel every nation,
C               G7             C
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

      F              C
cho:  Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
      C             (D7)            G7
      Riding on the dashboard of my car
      C                      (C7)
      Through all trials and tribulations,
      F              (F#dim7)
      We will travel every nation,
      C               G7            C
      With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary,
Long as I have magnetic Mary,
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car,
I feel I'm protected amply,
I've got the whole damn Holy Family,
Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell,
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
But I think he'll have to go,
His magnet ruins my radio,
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town, trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan;

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling,
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van;
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van.

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my ...
      Sneerin' from the dashboard of my ...
      Leering from the dashboard of my van.

If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight,
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask;
plastic Jesus shelters me,
For His head comes off, you see--
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.

      Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
      Riding on the dashboard of my car:
      Ride with me and have a dram,
      Of the blood of the Lamb,
      Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.



Thanks to Bo Parker at NASA for this epic compilation.


Geoff Bowerman
gbowerma@acs.ucalgary.ca



From: Bo.Parker@msfc.nasa.gov (Bo Parker)


Here's my definitive set of P.J. lyrics:

-----BEGIN INCLUDED MATERIAL-----

Here's the complete set of "Plastic Jesus" lyrics

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

cho:  Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
      Riding on the dashboard of my car
      Through all trials and tribulations,
      We will travel every nation,
      With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary,
Long as I have magnetic Mary,
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car,
I feel I'm protected amply,
I've got the whole damn Holy Family,
Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell,
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
But I think he'll have to go,
His magnet ruins my radio,
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town, trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan;

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling,
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van;
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van.

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my ...
      Sneerin' from the dashboard of my ...
      Leering from the dashboard of my van.

If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight,
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask;
plastic Jesus shelters me,
For His head comes off, you see--
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.

      Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
      Riding on the dashboard of my car:
      Ride with me and have a dram,
      Of the blood of the Lamb,
      Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.

-----END INCLUDED MATERIAL-----

Enjoy!

-Bo Parker
Bo.Parker@msfc.nasa.gov
bo_parker@fbpmac.msfc.nasa.gov
parker_b%aplvax.span@fedex.msfc.nasa.gov

"Any particular reason why you got a picture of a drag queen on a
 Shetland pony licking a flaming banjo on your chest?"