...daring in our time. To find out more about this historic jump and the man himself, I'd like to introduce to you. Everyone, meet Evil Knievel.

Thank you, thank you.

How are you, Evil?

I'm fine, thanks. How you kids doin'? Y'all motorcycle riders? You ride a minibike? You don't, do you? You wear a
helmet, do you? All the time? Well, that's just swell.

But I'm not here to talk about my riding. I'm here to tell you kids about the future. Yeah, that's right, the future. I've been there. Lemme tell you. It was glorious. And there's some things you're all gonna need to know. Important things that are key to survival. I'll start from the beginning.

Evil Knievel in the year 2084
Came back to tell us all what the future has in store
Evil Knievel in the year 2084
Gather 'round and hear the man at his latest tour

In the future, kids like you still like sports betting, but they don't lay money down on women's basketball like you and me. Children of the future wager their lunch credits on Thai horse fighting. It's a delicious orgy of beauty and violence.

Tex mex food is carcinogenic, but that don't matter much becuse they've cured Cancer 1. It's Cancer 2 that you need to look out for, but the less said about that the better, right?


Evil Knievel in the year 2084
Came back to tell us all what the future has in store
Evil Knievel in the year 2084
Gather 'round and hear the man at his latest tour

Hey, kid. You seen my lighter? It's a silver job with the stars and bars on the side and "Found On Road Dead" engraved on the bottom. Aw, heck. I think I left it in the future. Dang it! Ah, they don't make no- never mind. I'll get another one.

Alright, where was I? Alri-, alright. You can't jump school buses in the future. They all have huge dorsal fins on top of 'em. They call 'em "The Yellow Sharks of the Street". Streets are made out of syrup. Gives you extra traction, it's real nice.

In the future, all of mankind lives on huge garbage scows that orbit the Earth. Why? I don't rightly know. I could never get a straight answer outta anyone about that. I think they just like it that way.

Brown hair has been banned in tournament play. Practice games, that's one thing, but when it counts you gotta get a dye job, kiddo.

In the future, all restaurants are Taco Bell. People get elicit surgeries to get laser missile cannons implanted in their teeth. Snakes? Shoot... Snakes are the size of kitchens.

Well, that's my time. Thank you for listening. Oh, and dodgeball's illegal too. You know what I say: "dodgeball's outlawed only outlaws'll have dodgeballs" and so on. Alright, I need to go. That line of flamin' monster trucks isn't gonna jump itself, right?