[K.FLAY:]

In Indiana I watched a Hoosiers game

Saw Bobby Knight bringing the pain

The next week down in Tennessee 

I built a life-sized model of a centipede

Kicking it in Kansas dope red pumps

Jayhawks shaking badonkadonks

In Nebraska, I husked corn all day

Got bitten by a shark Californ-I-A



[MC LARS:]

Had to let it go in New Mexico

Played a sold out show in Calexico

Had a trailer crash on tour in Minnesota

Got lucky in Kentucky with a chick in my Toyota

Got in my pajamas with a girl from Alabama

Then I lost my laptop in Louisiana

Saw Hannah in Montana, went to New Joisy

Got lost on the turnpike gross and oily



[K.FLAY:]

I was in Vermont, saw into the future now I'm 

clairvoyant

Out to infinity and then beyond

Drank a tub of maple syrup, got sick and I called my 

Mom

Popped a soda up in North Dakota

Then I hitched a ride down to Arizona

Business that's risky in Mississippi

Oregon filled with duck-billed hippies



[MC LARS:]

Do I really have to remind ya

About the bets we made in North and South Carolina?

If you can't ignore the Idaho snow

We'll move to Georgia where the peaches grow

In Massachusetts met Confucius

Said, "Where's your beverage? Are you juiceless?"

It's not that I'm insane 

I'm just too West Coast for New Hampshire or Maine



[CHORUS:]

50 states, 64 bars

Presented by Ms. Flay and Lars

Check out the map (yeah we've been there)



[K.FLAY:]

I put the O in Ohio, Venus de Milo, 

Kidnapped by the circus and they put me in a sideshow

Got lei'd in Hawaii on top of dolphins that's where I 

be

Rhode Island popped a Mylanta

In Alaska chillin with Santa

David the gnoming in Wyoming

Pennsylvania's pregnant and it's showing



[MC LARS:]

Not ignoring the warm Florida sun

Chased by a gator to Wisconsin

Made a scary plan down in Maryland 

Where Edgar Allan Poe died a sad lonely man

I guess his death wish was big like Texas

You can't reject this New York guestlist

In Utah I saw the Simpsons movie

At the Delaware mall I paid no duties



[K.FLAY:]

Michigan acting like a bitch again

In Colorado you'll need your Michelins

Small gene pools in West VA

Washington state lots of rainy days

Munching on a bowl full of curry in Missouri

Midwest swing and I'm no hurry

Mad love for Illinois got a silent s

And it's not Reno homeboy it's Re-yes



[MC LARS:]

Went to Nevada had a bad trip

Moved to Iowa where I owe a grip

Chasing tornados in Oklahoma

Climbing Lincoln's nose in South Dakota

Friends with benefits in Connecticut

Went to Virginia for some southern etiquette

Hundreds of fans all parked and saw

Me and Bill Clinton jamming in Arkansas



[CHORUS:]

50 states, 64 bars

Presented by Ms. Flay and Lars

Check out the map (yeah we've been there)



[MC LARS & K.FLAY:]

These are the states that we've been to

And all the hi jinks that we got into

At the end of the day all we can say

Is there's really no place like the USA