[mc chris]

This one goes out to all the cuties in the quad

Walkin kitty corner, with the itty bitty bod

Telescopin out the window, waxin wise while you walk

I stalk the fox box to the party on lock

Security check soon my ID's inspected

In the elevator waitin to get wreck-ed

Open the door then get floored by the heat

You get passed a J while they play "Paul's Boutique"

Get a plastic cup and ice unless you like it neat

All the girls stand up, all the guys take seats

Smoke fills the air, you fill in Denise

on your major, on your minor, on the Middle East, the fo'sheeza

High plains drifter this sorority sister

Let the belt loop lead you to her liquor elixir

Smellin better than a bubblegum scratch'n'sniff sticker

You lick, shoot, suck, then duck out even quicker

A mad dash to her crib, my roomie is a geek

He's playing Galaxies, makin friends on Dantooine

So I'm climbin up a tree, bears clingin to my teeth

Miss the windowledge, hit the hedge, land upon my keys, oh!



[Chorus x2: mc chris]

I am a dorm rat, that is a fact Jack

Lookin at incense, playin with warm wax

Hittin on the honies at the vendin machine

The one hitter, trade dinner, all you need's an ID (I said)



[mc chris]

Oh!  Plaid pajama bottoms or plaid pleated skirts

Everything you girls wear makes me stare at the dirt

If I had balls I'd flirt with y'all in study hall

Do the geek talk 'til your eyes roll back into your skull

But I'm a freek, spelled F-R-double-3-K

When you're walkin my way, with my pockets I play

I can't say, "What's-your-name, care to chat for a bit?

It's me Brian, that guy, from that class, Russian Lit?

Care to sit, have a chip, care for some fun dip

Dostoevsky doesn't impress me, what you think of that shit?"

But I don't, I just twitch and I itch in my pants

Play my Gameboy Advance, 'til she's finally walked past

A mad dash to my crib where I get on my blog

InSearchofSpock.com, check it out if you want

That's the steam blowin scene where I reign supreme

Webster's my Friendster, I run the message boards for Ween

It's a mental mall for teens, it's a paradise on earth

but in a way it's like a curse, faster than a Google search

I just sit here and drink beer while my roommate flirts

at some party, with some hottie who's all into Fred Durst

It makes my heart burst, and yet I do nothin

Just get on the web and start bitchin and frontin

A dot com curmudgeon who's love life is sufferin

It's the rope or the oven, or the hope I find love in the end



[Chorus x2: mc chris]

I am lab rat, that is a sad fact

Shinin my test tubes, cryin in restrooms

Dorm life blows if you've got no place to go

I call my mother everyday, I say I wanna (go/come) home