Here`s one of the two of us
In 1954 don`t laugh
I keep all of the pictures
Are you going to take a photograph
Here`s something nice for you
A dear old thing came to a show
Last time here we did
An interview on local radio

Make yourself at home my darling
Come on in
Hand me down that jar love
Can I offer you a gin

We`re proud to be the oldest
Ugly sisters in variety
There`s not the glamour now you see
What happened to society
There`s another light bulb gone
They don`t all answer to the switch
I don`t know how we carry on
And her she couldn`t care the bitch

But in a while the old boys
In the band begin to play
And in a while the houselights
And the curtains slide away

And something`s going to happen
To make your whole life better
Your whole life better one day
Something`s going to happen
To make your whole life better
Your whole life better one day

Now the landlady`s all squared away
It`s just a temporary deal
I`m afraid tonight it`s take-away
You see there is no evening meal
Don`t worry dear you shall go to the ball
I think the fairy said
These suitcases have seen it all
From under someone else`s bed

You want to smile those tears away
Now don`t you cry
You want to know what I say
I say never say die

`Cos something`s going to happen
To make your whole life better
Your whole life better one day
Something`s going to happen
To make your whole life better
Your whole life better one day