Last year, I got knives for Christmas
Stayed at home and no one missed us
Lying on the bathroom floor
I don't want to, ho, ho, ho, no more

No one knows that I'm not well
As I stare in awe at this burst Noel
Lights burning from the street in
I know I'll spend this season greeting

When good King Wenceslas looked out
Everything was fucked and I was just about
To carve the turkey and watch Eastenders
Because they're my friends and my friends are strangers now