I came here hoping to be a Broadway star-

Another dimpled and dewy ingénue

Who wound up waiting tables.

 

When all humanity backs up at the bar,

Some nights, there's

Nothing I wouldn't rather do

Than be here waiting tables.

 

One Tanqueray and tonic, one B&B!

Guy looks a little hinky at table three.

One mango margarita, one rum and coke!

I'm swillin' down the coffee, I'm goin' for broke.

 

Friday's crazy!

Oh, Bembe, ajuda me

A limpiar la mesa, por favor?

 

It's tough but

Nobody's gotten me fired so far.

I'm pretty certain in time I could be

Truly good at waiting tables.

 

Hey! Hot plate!

Watch your back!

All the regulars like me,

I'm not without charm,

But I can't carry more than

Two trays on my arm.

(That's pretty hard-core)

 

Sometimes I stand frozen

In the middle of the floor,

Spaced-like there's something I've misplaced.

Might be my name,

Which now is apparently "Miss,"

Or a summoning finger-snap.

There's a lesson in this,

But I can't quite put my finger on it.

 

One Miller in the bottle, one J&B!

Guy's definitely trouble, at table three.

These maraschino cherries are gettin' gross.

I'm pullin' in a hundred, or real close!

 

Ordering, ordering!

Sad to say

The chef's gone AWOL

And I got a party of seventeen.

 

Sir, you should 86

The fat cigar.

Yeah, well, I promise you would be too if you

Were out here waiting tables.

 

Hey! Heads up!

Comin' through!

Oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh, comin' through!

 

By now I figured to be

A household name,

On stage and screen,

But I'll tell you what,

I've learned a lot from waiting tables.

Learned to handle

Several things at once, for instance,

And when a buck's not

Even ten percent.

 

I came here hoping to be a great big star-

Another dimpled and dewy ingénue

Who wound up waiting tables.

 

When all humanity backs up at the bar,

Some nights, there's nothing

I wouldn't rather do

Than be here waiting tables.

 

Friday's crazy!

Oh, Bembe, ajuda me

A limpiar la mesa, por favor?

 

Tanqueray and tonic, one B&B!

Guy's little hinky at table three.

One mango margarita, one rum and coke!

I'm swillin' down the coffee, I need a

Miller in the bottle, one J&B!

Definitely trouble, at table three.

These maraschino cherries are gettin' gross.

I'm pullin' in a hundred, or real close!

 

I moved here to

Keep an appointment with destiny,

And I'm still waiting.