[ VERSE 1 ]

The President woke and he called the Pope

The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope

P.S. the Lord raised Michaelangelo from the dead

So he can make a fresh painting of my head

Then I hung out with a king and a queen

And the queen put me down with her polo team

The way I scored points all around the clock

I had her daughter, the princess ridin my jock

I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard

Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards

The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades

Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade

Then I played cards with the queen of clubs

The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love

As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men

Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend

The double-trouble spade was named the deuce

And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the news

There was 52 cards, and I met everyone

That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done



[ VERSE 2 ]

Then I took a trip to the center of the earth

I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first

I met these funny little people, they called em skeezers

So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer

Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt

Two nice soft things right up front

The center of the earth ain't got no crime

Just people bodyrockin to the L.L. rhyme

If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is

It's just a girl who's on my jock cause I'm in showbiz

There was a whole lotta skeezers, I dogged everyone

That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done



[ VERSE 3 ]

Woke up late one afternoon

Realized I was in the world of cartoons

He-Man told me he'd beat me up

Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck

Then I hung out with Spiderman

He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band

The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums

Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum

Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone

But Tom & Jerry both said he should leave it alone

Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse

He had two freaks, so we went to his house

Mickey's freak was ugly, but mine was def

So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left

They were cartoon characters, I met everyone

That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done



[ VERSE 4 ]

Since I'm a good friend of father time

I'm not gettin older as I say this rhyme

I was warmin the stove at the Alamo

Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show

I was down with George at the Delaware

But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair

Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull

We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull

Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest

You thought it was tabacco - the shit was cess

There was a lotta great men, and I met everyone

That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done



[ VERSE 5 ]

11:33, I swear it's no sooner

I went inside my TV, I met _The Honeymooners_

Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes

But I had my eyes on Alice's behind

Norton came down right about that time

Lookin in the frigde, so he could swine and dine

Then I said to myself, I should give em a taste

So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase

Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow

Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol

Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it"

"Norton, my pal," I said, "Yo, don't even do it"

They were all Honeymooners, and I met everyone

That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done



[ VERSE 6 ]

Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp

Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part

In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon

Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon

Stopped at the isle that's Mali, cause we got ill

Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill

I searched for other ways, made love in caves

And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise

Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means

From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens

There's a lyrical technician who came to play

Number one b-boy L.L. COOL J

All of this is just a story that I made up

Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts

Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact

Not another common rap with a heavy drum track

A whole lotta rhymes, and I wrote everyone

That story is over, and my rhyme IS DONE

HUH!