I was walking barefoot on St. Paul's bridge

When I saw a man talking to God

He was round and handsome

Anachronistically

A little odd

I overheard his conversation

He said, "I can't live in a world devoid of love."

And the voice, the voice was so familiar

It was the voice of Peter Ustinov

"Peter," I whispered from the shadows

"We've all been damaged by the 20th century

A man like you can talk to God

But can you spare a word for me?

For I have loved you since the time

I saw you in 'The Mouse that Roared'."

"That was Peter Sellers, my dear.

Go away," he implored

Chorus:

"See, I used to be Ustinov

But used to's no good enough for me

See, I used to be Ustinov

But used to's not good enough for me."

The I blurted out "Quo Vadis"

"Topkapi," ooh yeah "Evil Under The Sun."

He waved his hand, "It's too late for that.

As you said, the damage has been done."

Then he lifted his body up

To throw himself to a watery grave

"Peter," I yelled

"What about 'Billy Budd'

The innocent no one could save?"

(Repeat chorus)

"So tell me what you're dying for

Have you been so disrespected?"

He winked at me and said, "'Billy Budd.'

I wrote, starred, and directed."

Then he bowed and kissed my hand

And said, "What was I thinking of?"

And walked away into the night

The night I saved Peter Ustinov

"You used to be Ustinov

But used to's still good enough for me

You used to be Ustinov

But used to's still good enough for me."