It started when the neighbors saw my fancy new TV
That opens up the gate outside my home
And let's me let in anyone I really wanna see
Keeps out all them other dudes I don't.

Then one by one they started comin' over to perform
Someone played Temptation on kazoo
Nellie got as naked as the day that she was born
It sure was all over Baby Blue.

I've got electric eyes, two big dogs and a minefild
And miles and miles and miles of barbwire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
We ain't had a good night sleepin' since.

Orville Baker's showin' us the fastest draw in town
Cora Lee's clackin' on her spoons
Ol' Jesse's trick dog sure does look dead lyin' on the ground
Jesse's wife is a howling at the moon.

Charlie's ugly daughter sure can tap dance
Mable Thatcher's walkin' on her hands
Just as I was leavin' for the kitchen for a snack
Ol' Lula Belle amazed us with her fan.

I've got electric eyes, two big dogs and a minefild
And miles and miles and miles of barbwire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
We ain't had a good night sleepin' since.

Froney's got an act that's hard to follow
Ol' Norman plays a nimble tambourine
You should see what Sarah Lee can swallow
And ol' Billy does a wicked Mr Clean.

Good Lord if I'd've known this future when I started
Believe you me I'd never change a thing
I got a closet circuit circus in my bedroom
And a world full of whackos in the wings.
.
I've got electric eyes, two big dogs and a minefild
And miles and miles and miles of barbwire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
We ain't had a good night sleepin' since...