Mel Smith: Christmas coming around again eh?
Griff Rhys-Jones: Yeah I mean it must be nearly a year since the last one
Mel: Oh it's a good twelve months
Both: Yeah yeah
Mel: You getting anything for your Granny this year?
Griff: Well I thought about it I couldn't be bothered
Mel: Well it's the thought that counts innit
Griff: Yeah that's how I see it
What do you fancy for Christmas then
Mel: Kim Wilde as usual, kidding myself though arent't I
It's hopeless really it's pathetic I suppose in a way
Griff: It is yeah - hello who is this?
Kim Wilde: Merry Christmas Melvyn
Mel: It can't be
Kim: Come on Mel how about pulling a cracker
Mel: By the look of you darling I think I already have
Get it

Kim: Rockin' around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
Every couple try to stop
Come on Melly-pops

Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Let the Christmas spirit ring
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie
And we'll do some caroling
Mel: Pumpkin pie anyone?

Both: You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
Voices singing let's be jolly
Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Kim: This is so corny
Both: Everyone's dancing merrily
in the new old fashioned way
Mel: Wow I am in the most almighty Christmas groove
I haven't had this much fun since "Two little boys" was number one
If my friends could see me now
How do I look?
Kim: Ridiculous
Mel: You little tease
A dance, Kimberley?

Kim: I do love a nice sax break
Mel: Yeah me too Kim, but let's wait till the record's over
Kim do you think our love will last forever?
Kim: No
Mel: Couple of years maybe?
Kim: No
Mel: Do you think we'll make it to the end of the record?
Kim: How long is that - exactly?

Kim: You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
Mel: All together now
Both: Voices singing let's be jolly
Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Griff: Excuse me can I sing something now?
Mel: Get lost Griff!
Griff: Well that's nice...

Mel & Kim: Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Let the Christmas spirit ring
Mel: Root beer anyone?
Both: Later we'll have pumpkin pie
And we'll do some carolling
Mel: There's plenty of pumpkin pie left by the way
Both: Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Kim: Do you mind Melvyn?
Both: Everyone's dancing merrily
In the new old fashioned way

Griff: Wow yeah that was fantastic
Kim: Very nice
Mel: Let's do it again! One two three four...
Kim: Strewth
Mel: Five!

Both: Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Mel: He overdid it with the pumpkin pie
Both: Everyone's dancing merrily
In the new old fashioned way

Mel: Merry Christmas everybody!
Kim: Merry Christmas everybody!
Bye Mel it's been really interesting
Griff: I'll tell you who I fancy for Christmas
Mel: Who's that
Griff: Bananarama
Mel: Yeah can't help you there I'm afraid
Griff: Oh thanks a bundle!