You know, I've often wondered, and I s'pose you would 
of too, 
What makes people 'round the world sound the way they 
do? 
Their accents are all so different, though the language 
is the same, 
So out of curiosity I thought I'd ask some of me mates. 
I started with me mate the wog his name is Mario, 
He said, 'I don't really understand but I give 'er a 
go.' 
'Eh... I got this pubic hair, she stuck on my top lip, 
And no matter how I move me mouth, I canna moova him. 
I blow 'im with me garlic breath and wif me chin out 
like this, pfft, 
But still that fuckin' pubic hair she stuck on my top 
lipa.' 
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to 
despair, 
'That tiny, smelly, little, stinkin' fishy pubic hair'. 

Now Bluey Mill, he's a mate of mine and he's knocked 
around a bit, 
From shearin' sheds and drillin' rigs to sewers 
shovelin' shit. 
He's been there seen it and done it all, and sometimes 
he's done it twice, 
And if any bloke would know it's him so I'll ask Bluey 
for advice. 
It was one night 'round the barby, when we'd knocked 
back one or two, 
I said, 'Blue old son how come you sound the way you 
do?'
'Well... I've got this fuckin' pubic hair, stuck right 
up me nose, 
And I snort and sniff and go like this, but the bastard 
never goes. 
So if ya recon I sound different, that's the reason I 
suppose, 
This piddly fuckin' pubic hair stuck right up me nose.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to 
despair, 
'Like an unwelcome and unwanted orphan fanny pubic 
hair.' 

I could see a pattern formin' after Mario and Blue, 
And I was startin' ta twig a bit why we sound the way 
we do. 
And I was sittin' thinkin' drinkin' when me old mate 
Jock walked in, 
And I thought now he's got a real strong accent so 
perhaps I should ask him. 
It'll probably cost me a couple of beers 'cause he 
won't in his kick, 
And I bought a beer and I asked him, I tell ya I'm 
fuckin' glad I did. 
'Arglglgl... got this wee little pubic hair, stuck 
there on me roof, 
nee matter how I roll my tongue, I can not pry it 
loose. 
So that's the reason laddy, that I talk the way I do, 
Sure would you with a pubic hair, stuck there on your 
roof.' 
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to 
despair, 
'Than a wee, stringy, straight like, curly pubic hair.' 

Well the pattern it was there all right, but I wasn't 
quite convinced, 
'Cause they're all Europeans I thought well what about 
the chinks. 
'Cause they've got a funny way of talkin' and I'm 
pretty sure you'll agree, 
That they don't even look like us let alone sound like 
you or me. 
So I went out for a Chinesse meal 'cause I really like 
their chow, 
And I asked the waiter and I tell ya what I'm fuckin' 
convinced now. 
'Hock, hark... hive got this little pubic hair, stuck 
in back of froat, 
Hold tongue down and breath like this, but fucking 
thing won't go. 
That why oriental generaltamen, always say Harsow, 
Fucking little pubic hair stuck in back of froat.' 
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to 
despair, 
'An hard to move and hard to swallow, little pubic 
hair.' 

'That's right Jimmy, thats right.' 
'Har thankyou, Harso.' 
'I wonder if Billy Connolly has this problem?'