He was big for his age from way outback,
Strong as an ox but thick as a plank 
And he couldn't stop wankin' no matter how hard he tried,
Well the truth of the matter he didn't try at all
Kept wankin' away head bangin' on the wall 
Kept grandad awake poor bugger in the room next door,
And it wasn't that grandad didn't mind a wank
But when someone else's wankin's keepin' you awake
You just gotta have a man to man you just gotta have a talk,
So grandad took him out back to the shed 
Then brung in a goat that he's specially reared
To accommodate teenage boys and dirty ol' men.

And he said "If you get a good'n sooon you got it good,
If you get a good'n you're doin' fine,
So hang on to her with both your hands don't ever let her go,
'Cause a good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son."

Now the outback ain't really all that big
'Cause words soon spread around about the kid
They call 'the well hung young goat fucker from Kalgoorlie',
And when the cops went out to investigate 
They caught him red handed he was fuckin' that goat,
Up to his nuts chockablock well and truly,
And when the coppers tried to drag him off he just wouldn't let go 
and kept hangin' on for life 
They were bangin' him with batons but they just couldn't,
And he said to the coppers "No need to be nasty
Wait your turn you impatient bastards,
Form a queue behind me 'cause she's a good'n.

And if you get a good'n sooon you got it good,
So hang on to her with both your hands don't ever let her go,
'Cause a good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son".

Well the whole town turned up at court that day
Couldn't fit 'em all in had to turn some away
Seems everybody in town wanted to be on the jury,
Just so they could tell their friends 
They were there the day the day they tribed the kid
Known as 'the well hung young goat fucker from Kalgoorlie',
And when the judge finally swore the jury in 
They brung him up from the cells and stuck him on the stand
Then read out the charges that they had against him,
And when they finished readin' all the charges out
The jury looked crook and the judge looked down and said,
"You got anything to say for yourself? You got a reason?"
Then the kid looked up at the judge and said,
"I know none of you's would ever understand 
What it's like livin' out in the outback on your own, 
Yeah and I know me goat ain't a proper woman
But she's got great tits and she kisses good
And fair dinkum judge she'd suck the marrow from your bones",
And the judge looked down and said, "Yeah I know".

'Cause if you get a good'n son you got it good,
If you get a good'n you're doin' fine,
So hang on to her with both your hands don't ever let her go,
'Cause a good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son.

A good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find.

"Case dismissed".

A good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, soooon.