The missus pissed off headed straight for her mother's
And I headed straight for the phone,
Rang a few mates and invited 'em over
A bloke who'd go mad on his own,
The truck from the pub took an hour to unload
As we set up the kegs in the yard, 
Then got on the blower and ordered some tucker 
Just enough stuff to keep up from starvin',
There was chicken and fish, full beast on a spit,
Spaghetti and sweet and sour pork,
Pizza and peanuts salami pickled onions
And a fuckin' great boat load'a prawns,
Hungry Jack shish kebabs KFC mackers 
Dry biccies and olives and cheese,
Washed it all down with a bucket'a piss
While I'm missin' the missus bee gees.
(Washed it all down with a bucket of piss 
While he's missing the missus bee gees).

Then we hit the kick and kicked in for a stripper 
'Cause Woody could get us one cheap,
That stripper we got was a fair dinkum bush peak
More tats than she had fuckin' teeth,
While that stripper was strippin' someone let me dog in
Tripod sniffed and just pissed on the wall,
And when she went to kick him she slipped in the piss
Done the splits and got stuck to the wall.

Gas bottle exploded crash landed next door 
And the cranky ol' cunt called the cops,
Cops come around and arrested the prick,
Even cops don't like fuckin' dobbers,
They stayed helpin' the stripper still stuck to the wall,
While Tripod sniffed 'round in her purse,
With a mouth full'a g-strings and sex aides and dildos 
When you thought things just couldn't get worse.

Fuckin' firies turned up in their little red truck,
And proceeded to bone the joint down,
Then the ambo's and jurnos and ten fuckin' toe trucks
And half's the bastards in town,
With their tractors and utes, all piled high with booze
And a couple'a wool bags'a weed,
All come to console me on me first day alone
While I'm missin' the missus bee gees.
(All come to console on his first day alone
While he's missing the missus bee gees).

If I was left standin' don't matter and don't remember 
Just remember the gut achin' gown,
And the mess in the dunny on the floor and in the base
And on the mirror and all up the wall,
Wipin' me chin while I'm tryin' to remember 
Where I'd seen all that tucker before,
There was chicken and fish bones half eaten full beasts,
Spaghetti and sweet and sour pork,
Pizza and peanuts salami pickled onions 
And the deck was all covered in prawn, shells,
Hungry Jack shish kebabs KFC mackers 
Soggy biscuits and olives and cheese,
And I turd and me teeth in bowl'a the bog 
While I'm missin' the missus bee gees.
(A turd and his teeth in the bowl of the bog 
While he's missing the missus bee gees).

(A turd and his teeth in the bowl of the bog
While he's missing the missus bee gees).