verse 1 

I first met him in the classroom 
back in 1963 
we seemed to hit it off pretty good 
we were mates mick and me 
he wasn't such a big kid 
even back then at the start 
and he wasn't all that clever either 
but Jesus he could fart 

I first found that out in class one day 
when things were going pretty slow 
and just to keep us all amused 
Mick let this fucking ripper go 
well, you should have been there 
look, i'd describe it if i could 
but i just turned around and i said, 
"Hey Mick your fucking good!" 

And at the eng of school Grand Final 
on the rugby field that time 
we were getting beaten 
they were 12 and we were 9 
and play was 3 yards from our goal-line 
when the referee called a scrum 
and mick said, "Don't worry fellas, 
we've as good as got it won." 

So we just locked ourselves down in the scrum, 
and we held eachothers nose 
and mick our little hooker 
he let this fucking ripper go! 
well, it stung their nose 
and it burnt their eyes 
and it even scorched the grass 
and i twigged right then and there, 
he had a double jointed arse! 

chorous 

Mick, me mate the master farter 
put the art back into farting 
with his custom tailored farts 
Mick, me mate the master farter 
broke new ground in breaking wind 
with his double jointed arse 

verse 2 

And it was just a couple of years later 
we both went to seee Kamaahl 
it was a really poshy sort of show 
in this great big bloody hall 
all the blokes were dressed like penguins, 
well you should have seen the sorts 
and Kamaahl himself wore a sheilas dress, 
like a bloody black boy george 

we were all locked in there like sardines, 
for the show to get underway 
but the tuber player didn't log 
he'd booked off crook that day 
and Kamaahl said, "Without a tuber player i cannot 
commence the show." 
so old mick jumps up says, 
"Sambo mate, I'll have a fucking go!" 






Well, from then on in I honestly thought, 
that the whole show would be ruined 
but he just winked at me and picked that tuber up 
just like he knew what he was doing 
then the maestro tapped his little stick, 
to tell the band to start 
and mick just shut his eyes and cocked 
his leg, 
and then began to fart! 

well you could have heard a pin drop 
that night there in the hall 
and it's hard to say who sounded best 
Mick farting or Kamaahl 
then the audience just went apeshit 
they cheered and clapped and stood 
and Kamaahl smiled as if to say, 
"Hey Mick, your fucking good 

chorous 

Mick me mate the master farter 
put the art back into farting 
with his custom tailored farts 
Mick me mate the master farter 
with his True-pitch perfect, calibrated 
double jointed arse 

verse 3 

Well, good news travels fast it seems 
and it wasn't very long 
before Mick got this midnight phonecall 
from Ben Lexan and Alan Bond 
they said, "Mick we've got this specialist job, 
and we're prepared to pay ya', 
Mick old son would you consider farting for Australia?" 

We'll just prop you on our brand new yatch, 
when theres no sea-breeze blowing 
and get Mick the master farter to start 
her and keep the bastard going 
so Mick went into training 
on sausage rolls and pies 
and Vegemite and Fosters beer 
and a schollarship from Heinz 

The world had never seen before 
a yatch so finely groomed 
or a crew so fit and young and strong 
or an arse so finely tuned 
the Yanks weren't even in the race 
not even in the same class 
what with Ben Lexan and his secret keel 
and Micks fuel injeted arse 

Well he come back a bloody hero didn't he, 
the old Australian boy 
and government comissioned this bloke 
to do a big statue of his Koy 
and I can still see Mick standing there 
when they confirmed his Knighthood 
and Bob Hawke pinning it on saying, 
"Hey mick..... your fucking good!" 

chorous 

Mick me mate the master farter 
put the class back into farting 
with his designer-lable farts 
Mick me mate the master farted 
with his True-pitch perfect calibrated, 
turbo thrusted, fuel injected, W.I.N.G.S.proteced, 
double jointed arse.