It doesn't hurt me none
It does not mean anything
I'm fondling this gun.
And I don't hurt that bad
And I don't miss you
I don't eat alone
Wishing I was eating with two.

It's like a sad movie
They always get high ratings
In fact I feel like celebrating
I feel like celebrating.

And do not think I ever thought
That this would really work
It was just sort of a casual thing
Like trying on a shirt.

I don't sit home alone and stare
At your picture wishing that you were still there
I never get lonely
In fact I'm probably masturbating
In fact I feel like celebrating
I feel like celebrating.

Oh goody! Oh joy! I'm finally free!
I no longer have to sit through your mother's casserole recipes
Oh joy! Glee! I'm finally free