Monogrammed toilet paper rollers that sing
Ever wonder who would buy these things?
The ones with plastic Santas in their yards
And custom license plates no one understands

Strength thru shopping
What a thrill
Who cares, they were on sale
Save more buying nothing at all
But it's the art of the deal

Fake glasses so people think I'm smart
Fitness toys by mail, I think I used 'em once
Found a quicker way
To dazzle the boys and girls
Silicone implants for he-man lumpy arms

Strength thru shopping
Make my day
Obey the call of the consumer
Give me convenience
Or give me death
Before I choke on myself

My car stereo's so loud and big
There's hardly anywhere for me to sit
Or make room for an inflatable doll or three
So I can take the carpool lane
And pass toll-free

Took a paid vacation on a train
My camcorder never left my face
Only put it down to recharge
At home I'll play it back
And see just where we've gone

Strength through shopping everywhere
Am I possessed by my possessions?
Online I never leave my chair
No one screws me
Kuz I'm protected
I'm protected
I screw myself instead