I heard about the accident
Did someone cast a spell
Do you think the damage permanent
Oh I suppose it's just as well
I heard you're staying with your mama
Well I cannot cast a stone
But when you're well and good and up around again
You better lock your goddamned door

Everybody here is guilty
Everybody takes a turn
The information's privy old boy
An evil lesson is soon learned

As I listen to your story
I'm surprised that you're not dead
And how the two big fat girls found you
Bleeding hard from the head
And how it knocked everyone of your teeth out
Well there goes the appetite
For careening through the country
On the cocaine late at night

Everybody here is guilty
Everybody takes a turn
But the information's privy old boy
An evil lesson is soon learned

Is it true that when they found you
That you had barely half a chance
That you said don't wake up the sheriff baby
Just call the ambulance
Now with an angel on your shoulder
And whiskey on your breath
In the ranks of parlour soldiers
Who say they've had their brush with death

Everybody here is guilty
Everybody takes a turn
The information's privy old boy
An evil lesson is soon learned