Hi my name is Stu, I got a problem to share

It's kind of personal you probably won't care

See - I'm in love with Oprah Winfrey and Cher

Heh, I got a doll made out of Margaret Cho's hair

Kathy Bates and Edie Falco? Now there's a pair

My psychotherapist says I should clear the air

For the average boy or girl, this might be a shocker

Judge Judy called me a celebrity stalker





Hold up, doc~! You know I got some problems too

My brain is kinda twisted like my name was Stu the Jew

I like to watch the telly, especially late at night

My favorite show to stroke to, gotta be "Facts of Life"

Fuck Lindsay Lohan! Give me Mindy Cohn!

And Tootie's juicy booty, now that's a blow jam

Whoa man, yo man I'ma grin and bear it

I got a website fan page for that hooker Mrs. Garrett





I love her, and she loves me

Why does she call police?

Stalker, I ain't no stalker, stalker





I wanna slam Fran, hell she can be my nanny

Star Jones too huh, I'd like to hit that fanny

Marcia Marcia Marcia! You can have her, I'll take Alice

Cause she clean the room when I hit that chick from Dallas

Victoria Principal, you can call me to your office

Better make it quick cause I'll tell you "Who the Boss" is

It's Mona (MONA!) Now leave me the hell alone-ah

I'ma go to the corner, talk to Stu, I got a boner





Back to Stu Stoner, doc this shit ain't cool

I almost drowned in Delta Burke's pool

I be sittin in school, covered in drool

Dreamin of the day I can make out with Paula Abdul

"Straight up now" I told her that my love wasn't fake

She wasn't havin it, the cold-hearted snake

It ain't easy, people think I'm sleazy

I've been watchin TV Land, jerkin off to Weezie

(To Wheezie?~!) Fo' scheezy, nothin more would please me

To get Miss Cleo, down on her kneezy

I can't wait for my first date with Bonnie Raitt

Now please don't tease me







Stalker! La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la





Comin after you girl

Yeah girl we're comin straight after you

Goin through your garbage cans

Goin through your trash girl

Find a banana peel

Yeah man, even your laundry

All we wanna do is just love you

Just wanna snuggle wit'cha

Hey are your parents traffic instructors

Cause you got fine written all over you