Just one local call and you'll see
A happy path through life not for free
A little bit fat you can't get a girl
Short on cash I'll change your world
The only way now is straight up 
Your deepest despair I'll make it stop
Just 19.95 all major credit cards
And you'll stay alive and you'll go far

In just seven short days 
You'll change your life 
All of your innocence found
You'll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint
Quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I'll change your life

I know sometimes your life is a bitch
So come purchase my easy fix
I've been there myself sad fat and bald
But soon with my help, you'll have it all
Ill build you back up for the fight 
You'll be so wound up your stomachs tight
Your the laugh of the party you'll get yourself laid
Surely you'll trust me once I've been paid

In just seven short days 
You'll change your life 
All of your innocence found
You'll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint
Quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I'll change your life
Change

So many years ago I was so low and lonely and depressed 
I hadn't left my flat in weeks and never even bothered getting dressed 
And I was smoking weed and I was in a mess and that's when it happened
So I opened up the blinds to let the light in on my sorry life 
I dreamed about success and money muscles women cars 
And even wives and they would always attend to my every need 
So do you see what you can be, baby when you're with me?

In just seven short days 
You'll change your life 
All of your innocence found
You'll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint
Quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I'll change your life