Well, I'd used up all my favors
Pestered all my friends
Had no one left to torture with my shitty songs again

So I kidnapped Willie Nelson
At an Austin honky tonk
I laid him out with an Epiphone and I stuffed him in my trunk

Yah, I kidnapped Willie Nelson
So he’d listen to my song
Didn't mean to hurt him but he should have sang along
Yah, I kidnapped Willie Nelson
Guess he’s got bad luck
Never shoulda told me that my masterpiece did suck

We’ll we stayed up all night drinking
I played the song on loop
Poked him with a cattle prod but he wouldn't change his tune

So I raised my hand to strike a blow
That’d really make him ring
When all to my astonishment the man began to sing

Yah, I kidnapped Willie Nelson
And he listened to my song
He must have really liked it 'cos he danced and sang along
Yah, I kidnapped Willie Nelson
What a thing to steal
Says If I release him he will give me a record deal

Who knew an old mans femur
Would be my lucky break
I’ll say he heard my song one day and things just up and changed
I’ll buy myself a pardon
And he’ll sign an NDA
So I get paid

Well, the sun began to rear its head
And we’d smoked up all the tree
So I asked him for some last advice before I set him free

He said: "Son your tune it ain’t half bad
But the words are kinda dumb
Quit tryna be a cowboy you ain't fooling anyone"

Yah, I strangled Willie Nelson
'Cos he criticized my song
Shame he went and blew it man I thought we’d get along
Yah, I strangled Willie Nelson
Good things never last
Wrapped him up and tossed him down the well with Johnny Cash
Johnny Cash