Talk about your funny masquerades
Talk about your funny looking braids
Did you hear of the four old maids
Who gave a fancy ball
Old maids gathered from every town
Each one dressed up in a funny gown
I was asked to go and so I hurried
Down to the old maids ball

[chorus:]
There were old maids short and tall
Dancing 'round the hall
One who knew us drew up to us
She was older than St. Louis
Miss Melinda Rand
Led the female band
And when they played "Here comes the Bride"
Four old maids sat down and cried
Someone hollered "There's a man outside"
And broke up the old maids ball

[2nd verse:]
Everybody in the hall was asked
Not to laugh, and say it was a task
What I thought was a funny mask
Turned out to be a face
Someone came to me and put me wise
Fifty dollars was the standing prize
To the one who had a perfect figure
Nobody won the prize

[2nd chorus:]
There were old maids short and tall
Dancing 'round the hall
One who knew us drew up to us
She was older than St. Louis
Miss Melinda Rand
Led the female band
And one old maid named Geraldine
Oldest maid I've ever seen
Said, "Tomorrow I'll be seventeen"
And broke up the old maids ball