As I came home on Monday night

As drunk as drunk could be

I saw a horse outside the door

Where my old horse should be

So I called the wife and I said to her

Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns the horse outside the door

Where my old hose should be



Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool

Still you cannot see

That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me

Well manys the day I travelled

A hundred miles or more

But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before



As I came home on a Tuesday night,

As drunk as drunk could be

I saw a coat behind the door

Where my old coat should be

So I called the wife and I said to her

Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that coat behind the door

Where my old coat should be



Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool

Still you cannot see

That's a lovely blanket

That me mother sent to me

Well manys the day I travelled

A hundered miles or more

But buttons on a blanket sure I never saw before



And as I went home on a Wednesday night,

As drunk as drunk could be

I saw a pipe upon the chair

Where my old pipe should be

I called the wife and I said to her

Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns the pipe upon the chair

Where my old pipe should be



Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool

Still you cannot see

That's a lovely tin whistle

That me mother sent to me

Well it's manys the day I travelled

A hundred miles or more

But tobacco in a tin whistle

Sure I never saw before



As I went home on a Thursday night

As drunk as drunk could be

I saw two boots beneath the bed 

Where my two boots should be

Well I called the wife and I said to her

Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns those boots beneath the bed

Where my old boots should be



Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool

Still you cannot see

Thats some lovely geranium pots

Me mother sent to me

Well it's many a day I travelled

A hundred miles or more

But laces in geranium pots I never saw before



As I went home on a Friday night

As drunk as drunk could be

I saw a head upon the bed

Where my old head should be

Well I called the wife and I said to her

Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that head upon the bed

Where my old head should be



Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool

Still you cannot see

That's a baby boy

That me mother sent to me

Well it's many a day I travelled

A hundred miles or more

But a baby boy with whiskers on

I never saw before