I'm Marcus Licinius Crassus,
No rich man could ever surpass us.
Wanted people to say I was brave,
But I lost my first fight and hid in a cave.
Living there could be a pauper's nightmare,
But if you're rich like me then you don't care.
I called my slave to the cave to ask it,
To cook a feast and lower in a basket.

Those Romans think they're minted,
But they aint rich like me.
You can't call yourself loaded,
Till you can by an army.
Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar,
They're more famous than me.
But I'm the worlds richest geezer,
There's no-one richer than me.
I'm minted!

I back General Sulla,
Everyday my wallet got fuller.
Took the land off enemies to flog it,
Used the cash to fill my pocket.
If I heard of a house on fire,
I'd rush over and be a quick cash buyer.
My fireman would then douse the flames, boom!
Another big house to my name.

Those Romans think they're minted,
But they aint rich like me.
You can't call yourself loaded,
Till you can by an army.
Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar,
They're more famous than me.
But I'm the worlds richest geezer,
There's no-one richer than me.
I'm minted!

I bought an army for fighting Spartacus,
At the start my men lost heart-acus.
I killed on in ten in a killing spree,
So they were more scared of me than the enemy.
Smashed the slaves, it got real gory,
But then Pompey stole my glory.
To show it was me that crushed the horde,
Nailed up the slaves like on a billboard.
They're splinted!

Not enough to be a politician,
Wanted triumph, took my army on a mission.
Got owned by the Parthian Persians,
They killed me, but you'll hear two versions.
The famous one's quite hard to follow,
They gave me boiling gold to swallow.
But the true way they made me pay,
They used my head as a prop in a play!
Embarrasing!

Those Romans think they're minted,
But they aint rich like me.
You can't call yourself loaded,
Till you can by an army.
Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar,
They're more famous than me.
But I'm the worlds richest geezer,
There's no-one richer than me.