I never thought I'd wind up in a lousy little place like 
this 
There's a girl with green teeth and she's gettin' kinda 
hard to resist 
There's a shot for me sittin on the stage, 
And tonight I'm feelin my age 
I never thought I'd wind up in a lousy little place like 
this
I never thought I'd play on a tiny little stage like this 
We got good songs and I can't figure why they ain't hits 
I could get to first base on my looks 
If I could stand on telephone books 
I never thought I'd play on a tiny little stage like this 

I always thought I'd hitch up with a real pretty gal like 
you 
But I wound up with a shrew and she's always tellin me 
what to do 
I'd like to ask you for a date 
But I can't afford to get home late 
I guess I'll never hitch up with a real pretty gal like 
you 

I never thought I'd wind up in a crappy little band like 
this 
Every time we take a bow the audience starts to hiss 
I'd quit the band if I had the nerve 
But I guess I'm gettin' what I deserve 
I never thought I'd wind up in a crappy little band like 
this