It was a Friday night at a honky-tonk outside of town 
They had a four band bill with the cats really laying 
it down 
Yeah the dance floor was packed with the boppers really 
gettin down 
When up comes the owner a cussin' and a wearin' a frown 
He said "I hope you're havin' fun, I hope that's what 
you came here for 
You been gettin' five bucks from everone who walks in 
the door 
But the bartender's lonesome, he hasn't had a drink to 
pour 
And the waitress just quit, she said we don't need her 
no more 

Chorus:
This ain't no coffeehouse, ain't got dime lemonade 
And I couldn't give a damn about whatever was the music 
you played 
And I really don't care about whatever was the deal we 
made 
There better be some drinkin' if you're thinkin' that 
you're gonna get paid

Well just about then there was a grandma playin' the 
slots 
And the bell started ringin' when grandma hit the 
jukebox 
Grandma screamed and said "my, I'm as lucky as can be" 
So leave the band alone and buy everyone a drink on me"

Chorus.

So if you came here tonight and all you're gonna do is 
dance 
The waitress and the owners are sure to be losin' their 
pants 
And I was just thinkin' that there really oughta be a 
law 
If you ain't gonna drink you gotta bring your grandma 

Chorus.