Time to wake up and get blackout drunk
With the Megadeth tape blasting through the trunk
Of this '81 Trans Am
Bleach blonde girls in the backseat

One more stop at the liquor store
Moosehead bottles rolling on the floorboard
As he opens up the door
The smell of the half-eaten hot dogs hits

He's still the best at going down on passed out chicks
Dirty Kelly Gruber
You'd better run...

He likes to teach young girls how to bunt
Motivational speaking's just a front
In '92 he won the World Series, now he's done
Now he's the man giving out free breast exams

Dirty Kelly Gruber
You'd better run...

Dirty Kelly Gruber
What a loser
What a scum...

He likes to teach young girls how to bunt
Motivational speaking's just the fuck