I'm a vendor of quack nostrums born in a Kansas shack
I came down to Greenwich Village with a tea chest on my 
back
I danced a while for Andy and crashed his Cadillac
And now I'm just waiting for my ban

Oh does your heroin lose its glamour on the washboard 
overnight?
When your mother says “Don't do it” do you crank it up 
in spite?
Do you rob your brother's Giro? Do you talk a load of 
shite?
Does your heroin lose its glamour on the washboard 
overnight?

I've drank too much black coffee
Read too much Bill Burroughs
I've been a he, I've been a she
A “maybe” and “who knows”
I've had the CBGBs
So don't you rock me, Daddio

Oh does your heroin lose its glamour on the washboard 
overnight?
When your mother says “Don't do it” do you crank it up 
in spite?
Do you rob your brother's giro? Do you talk a load of 
shite
Does your heroin lose its glamour on the washboard 
overnight?

Does your heroin lose its glamour on the washboard 
overnight?
When your mother says “Don't do it” do you crank it up 
in spite?
Do you rob your brother's Giro? Do you talk a load of 
shite
Does your heroin lose its glamour
Does your heroin lose its glamour
Does your heroin lose its glamour on the washboard 
overnight?