Beware of the man who only shows you the best bits
Beware of the band who type out their set lists
Sometimes instead of Arthur Lee
I'd much prefer some Arthur Lowe
And with you by my side
I would aspire to ascend
Such heights where we'd find
Tears and laughter cease to matter
And we'd be pleasantly surprised
By our annual water bill

I'm an early 'til late, indispensable mate
Of the bloke who does the PA
I can lend or offend, I can mend and befriend
As I help to set up the PA
As I help to set up the PA

I found myself being sued
By the firm More O'Ferrall
I'd sprayed a graffito onto
One of their hoardings
It was for Monsters of Rock
And I'd sprayed “In Church Hall if wet”

They were sealing my fate
When I said “But I'm a mate
And the magistrate, he was a mate of a mate
Of the bloke who sets up the PA
Of the bloke who sets up the PA
So throw it out of court

I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke
I'm a mate of the bloke

I'm lost without an inside pocket
I'm lost without an inside pocket
I can find my way home from Sierra Leone
But I'm lost without an inside pocket
I'm lost without an inside pocket
I'm lost without an inside pocket