We're hardly the fruit from a well-tended banana tree
We're hardly the Bayeux in rock's rich tapestry
We were like two rubber ducks that passed each other in 
the bath
I can sound like Wally out of Crossroads, Kath

She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey
Alex Haley was adopted, that's what's called a 
disappointment

When England won the world cup back in 1966
Wembley must have been a sea of smiles
Well, I think Kenneth Wolstenholme summed up the moment 
really well
When he said “Just look at Nobby Stiles”

She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey
Alex Haley was adopted, that's what's called a 
disappointment

Oh they're still cremating Hattie Jacques; I am not 
surprised
Come on now, let's face it, she was fat
It usually takes for ever tryin' to burn the grossly 
oversized
Who would ever want to look that that?
She had a face that could launch a thousand dredgers
I could never get her on my portable TV

She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey
Alex Haley was adopted, that's what's called a 
disappointment