We're just receiving reports of an incident at a farm 
in Sussex where a number of people have been arrested 
in connection with “Annoying The Nation”.
It is believed that that the owner of the farm, a Mr. 
Hibbert, has been co-operating with Police and 
government officials in a plot codenamed Operation Less 
Pricks, and kindly granted permission for the use of 
his seventeenth century tithe barn as a temporary 
holding place for those arrested. Although not 
confirmed, we are led to understand that those already 
charged include:
Bus drivers who don't wait for people to sit down 
before pulling away from the bus stop;
Taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on 
the door;
People who moan at the council about the streets being 
full of litter, not stopping to think that it is people 
who drop litter, not the council;
A room full of drama teachers listening to Bjork;
Grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, 
who stand up and stretch out their arms when the 
opposing team fail to hit the target;
An assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and 
playwrights who own Agas but don't know how to use 
them;
A musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article 
titled “Microphone of the Month”;
A woman who described herself as “A little bit Bridget, 
a little bit Ally, a little bit Sex In The City” and 
chose to call her baby boy Fred as a childishly 
might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. 
Bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits, and besides 
it's a good name. Don't be calling him Fred or Archie, 
with all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp 
connotations, unless you really do have plans for him 
to spend his life in William Hill's waiting for them to 
weigh in at Newton Abbott.
Also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers 
spitting needlessly;
An amateur thug in camouflage trousers whose Japanese 
fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate;
A man from the record company who said that George 
Michael continues to challenge social taboos through 
his music;
Lisa Riley;
Continuity announcers introducing comedy shows;
A pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar 
during a song they've written themselves;
A group of football fans referred to as Commodores, as 
in once, twice, three times a season, who feed sugar 
lumps to police horses at Cup Finals;
An artist who said his next album would be more “song-
based”;
A man who informs people that he gets up at six am 
every morning and seemed to want a medal;
People who say they speak as they find and are somehow 
proud of it;
Journalists who try to spell an interviewee's laugh;
An organisation who declared an awareness week for 
awareness weeks;
And a council worker who dropped litter.
We'll bring you more details as they emergeÂ…