Brian... skate
Brian...
Brian...

What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through
That's what Brian Boitano'd do

Brian... skate
Brian...

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
Skating for the gold
He did two sow cows and a tripple lutz
Wearing a blind fold

And when Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Fighting grizzly bears
He used his magical fire-breath
And saved the maidens fair

Brian... skate
Brian...

So what would Brian Boitano do
If he was here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an arse or two
That's what Brian Boitano'd do

Brian... skate
Brian...

When Brian Boitano travelled through time
To the Year 3010
He fought the evil Robot King
To save us all again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids
He beat up Kubla Kahn
Because Brian Boitano doesn't take shit
From anybody...

(No, Brian! Those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those!)

I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings (x7)

Brian... skate
Brian...

When Brian Boitano was born
On the planet of Graylok
He came to Earth to save us all
From boring death and stuff

Heighdy-ho and heighdy-hey!
Brian Boitano's here!
So run to the lawyer denouncing this
And tell him to have no fear

Say come over here my honey
I'm gonna take off my pants
I'm gonna make dirty love to you
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do