I don't mean to gripe but I saw you open tonight

in your latest play and I know what your critics will say

They'll say you should've stayed home and your mind wanders then it roams



They're just jealous of your throne



You've had a little to drink but first night jitters shouldn't make you think

of giving up the ghost, it's what you do best and I love the most

But they'll say you should've stayed home and go over you with a fine tooth comb



They're just jealous of your throne



So please don't close the show

take a deep breath and then blow

everyone away and close your ears to the small minds that say

You sing in a monotone that sounds best on the telephone



They're just jealous of your throne