When I wear my gayest shirt
My Gayest shirt! (x3)
All the ladies want to flirt
They want to flirt
And if they're squirters, then they squirt.
Cause everyone loves me.
In my gayest shirt.
Everyone loves my
Shirt.

I got it on a fabled Christmas several years ago
I guess they never loved me, it was uncle Bill and tia 
Flo
Begrudging smile I was showing as I kindly took their 
pittance
Sure, it might have fit, but I could have done without 
the sequins
So yeah
I put it on because I don't aim to offend
But this apparel is improper in the company of men
They call the color salmon, it has ruffles and a trail
Red embroidered kangaroos with red poofs on every tail
But suddenly I put it on, I'm walking down the street
Ladies seem to come right up and finally take a note of 
me
So I guess I gotta show some love for this atrocious 
thing
Because when I don my gayest shirt I feel like I'm the 
king king king!

When I wear my gayest shirt
My Gayest shirt! (x3)
All the ladies want to flirt
They want to flirt
And if they're squirters, then they squirt.
Cause everyone loves me.
In my gayest shirt.
Everyone loves my
Shirt.

I tried to hide it underneath some socks and underpants
But the shirt's the key to my romance, it puts the 
ladies in a trance
They can't help but feel on the fabric, can't help but 
feel on the Beef
pink motif, believe
That if I could get a girly without this eyesore
I'd stick it in my desk drawer and burn that mother to 
the floor
Shoot the ashes with a shotgun, maybe sacrifice a loved 
one
Rocket it into the sun just to make sure the job is 
done uh
So what is it about this silly means of dress?
That is making Beefy studly and the ladies all 
obsessed?
But who am I to question such a great miraculous plan
From whatever deity that chose to make Beefy the god 
damn man!

When I wear my gayest shirt
My Gayest shirt! (x3)
All the ladies want to flirt
They want to flirt
And if they're squirters, then they squirt.
Cause everyone loves me.
In my gayest shirt.
Everyone loves my
Shirt.

It got a flame stripe, running down the side and the 
back
and The Lord of the Rings tattooed on the ass crack 
makes me feel like a nerd in it.
That's my werd in it.
So off-brand that you ain't even
heard of it.
But so what?
This shirt is making me glad, like its adjective 
moniker--
Antonym: sad.
Cause when the girls
See the shirt
And the shirt's
On the Beef,
They cannot
Get enough
Of the man
Underneath.

When I wear my gayest shirt
My Gayest shirt! (x3)
All the ladies want to flirt
They want to flirt
And if they're squirters, then they squirt.
Cause everyone loves me.
In my gayest shirt.
Everyone loves my
Shirt.