The company is crippling me, the worst trying to ruin the best
Their promotion's so lame, they could never ever take me to the real ball game
Maybe they think I'm a pet, well I got all the diseases,
I'm breaking out in sweat, you bet, 'cause

I've got mercury poisoning, it's fatal and it don't get better,
I've got mercury poisoning, the best-kept secret in the West.

The boys and me are getting real well known around town
But every time we try to spread the action, something always brings it down
I ate the orange and I don't feel well, for them it's inconvenience, for me
it's hell
The geriatrics all think we're freaks
They couldn't sell kebabs to the Greeks, the geeks, action speaks and

I've got mercury poisoning, it's fatal and it don't get better,
I've got mercury poisoning, the best-kept secret in the West.

Is this a Russian conspiracy? No, it's just idiocy. Is this a Chinese burn?
I got a dinosaur for a representative, it's got a small brain and refuses
to learn.

I've got promotion so lame, they could never ever take me to the real ball game
Listen, I ain't a pet, I ain't a talking headset(?) in your Monopoly set,
you bet 'cause

I've got mercury poisoning, it's fatal and it don't get better,
I've got mercury poisoning, the best-kept secret in the West.
He's got mercury poisoning, it's fatal and it don't get better,
He's got mercury poisoning, the best-kept secret in the West (etc