My doctor said I've got to stay in bed
A week at least, a week or three
But that would drive me crazy

My lawyer said my case is weak
The witnesses refuse to speak
And you're up against a hanging judge and jury

The boss is on my back
He says he feels there something lacking in the progress
of my department
My youngest boy, not yet thirteen
Said Dad, drop out, this ain't your scene
But my eldest boy just said, Dad, drop dead

Oh, when things go wrong, they really go wrong
And they rarely go right for me
Oh, when things go wrong, they really go wrong
And they rarely go right for me

My mother says she's still alive
Please call us up from time to time
If it's not too much trouble
It's for your father's sake

My yoga class
Said take the time to relax, relax, relax
But we're dining out with the Shultzes tonight
And I hate the Shultzes

I never wake up in the morning
'Cos I never go to sleep at night
I go to bed, I take a powder
Maybe tonight's the night
All the cares of the day
Seem to gather in a corner
Like an army of ants
Who are waiting for the moment when the lights go out

I can't sleep, I can't sleep

Oh, when things go wrong, they really go wrong
And they rarely go right for me
Oh, when things go wrong, they really go wrong
And they rarely go right for me