I don't want children, I belch with gusto
I watch the cricket and I understand the off-side rule
When there's a toilet around
I just piss on the ground 'cause I can
So let's face up to the facts
I'd be happier if I were a man

Now don't misjudge me, I like to be she
But sometimes I feel something is missing
The tits are working out fine
Though the general shape would not be my pick
So I think I'll trade in the tubes
For an A-grade, highly-engineered prick

Penis envy, penis envy
Well, I know you people feel the same way as me
So with one hand on your heart
And the other 'round your part
You know you're never alone
When you're a bitch with a bone

Virginia Woolf espoused
One's underwear should house
A flesh extension of one's very own
So I'll enlist the surgeon's pen
For that curled-up little friend
With urethra down the middle
And pre-cum on the end

From cock receptacle
To side-show spectacle
A scintillating socialite with stick-on testicles
I'm glad of my womanhood
But it'd be nice if I could
Display a hard-on, crack a fat and show off stiffies and wood
Yes, it's the ultimate joy
To be a ready-made-for-fun lady-boy

Penis envy, penis envy
And no, it's not because that bastard ever left me
But I know he'll get in a tizz
When mine's bigger than his
I'm tired of being alone
This bitch needs a bone

I'm still an onanist
With extra strain on wrist
No longer vulvic tabernacle
I'll be a foxy chick with tackle
I'll give girl power rants
With a bulge in my pants
Although my ceiling is still made of glass
But it'll all be worthwhile if I get to fuck a man in the arse

I'd introduce my ex
To unlubricated anal sex
And the flipside of cobraphilic sodomy
Then maybe we'd take it upstairs
See how his gag reflex fares
Against the recommended daily dose of Vitamin E

Don't call it bitterness
It's a legit request
To be a well-endowed girl in every lingerie respect
I'd never abuse my rod
For an illegal prod
But I will probe with every digit, gland or organ I've got

Wait...

That sounds pretty much the way I am right now
Without the complicated surgery or livestock hormonal injections three times a week
And you know, my clothes are tight enough without a bump in the front
I think I'll stay as I am
It took eleven years to break in this cunt

Penis envy, penis envy
Well, it's an overrated part of the anatomy
So come on, you don't need a graft
To get your hands on a shaft
There's plenty of fish in the sea
Although most of the fuckers aren't free
I guess it's back to the strap on for me
And my penis envy