Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars - superscars
 For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out
 Cos they disagree on a gangland boundary
 Cos they disagree on a gangland boundary

 There's Willy Wright and his boys - one helluva noise, that's Billy's boys
 With fully-fashioned mugs, that's Little John's thugs, the Barking Slugs - supersmugs
 For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out
 Yes, these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor
 East-End heroes got to score in ...

 The Battle of Epping Forest
 Yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest
 Right outside our door
 No, you ain't seen nothing like this
 No, you ain't seen nothing like this
 Not since the Civil War

 Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill, and Johnny's lads stand very still
 With the thumpire's shout, they all start to clout - there's no guns in this gentlemen's bout
 Georgie moves in on the outside left with a chain flying round his head
 And Harold Demure, from Art Literature, nips up the nearest tree
 (Here come the cavalry)

 Amidst the battle roar
 Accountants keep the score: 10 - 4
 They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone
 The bluebells are ringing for Sweetmeal Sam, real ham
 Handing out bread and jam just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic
 It's 5 - 4 on William Wright, he made his pile on Derby night
 When Billy was a kid, walking the streets, the other kids hid - so they did
 Now, after working hard in security trade, he's got it made
 The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid

 "I do my double-show quick", said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick
 "I sell cheap holiday. The minute they leave, then a visit I pay - and does it pay"
 And his friend, Liquid Len by name, of Wine Women and Wandsworth fame
 Said: "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed
 I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed, got me framed"

 They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church unstained
 My employers have changed but the name has remained
 It all began when I went on a tour, hoping to find some furniture
 Followed a sign saying "Beautiful Chest", led to a lady who showed me her best
 She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes
 So she rang the bell, and quick as hell
 Bob the Nob came out on his job to see what the trouble was
 "Louise, is the Reverend hard to please ?"
 "You're telling me"
 "Perhaps, Sir, if it's not too late, we could interest you in our old-fashioned Staffordshire plate ?"
 "Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute"
 But the Devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out, "Shoot"

 To save my steeple, I visited people
 For this I had gone when I met Little John
 His name came, I understood
 When the judge said, "You are a robbing hood"
 He told me of his strange foundation
 Conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation
 He'd had to hide his reputation
 When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door
 But now, with a pin-up guru every week
 It was Love, Peace & Truth Incorporated for all who seek

 He employed me as a karmamechanic, with overal charms
 His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms

 That's why we're in ...
 Battle of Epping Forest
 Yes, it's the Battle of Epping Forest
 Right outside your door
 We guard your souls for peanuts
 And we guard your shops and houses
 For just a little more
 Just a little more

 In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher
 But he's countered on the right by Mick's chaingang fight
 And Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men
 Is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob
 With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress
 But Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug
 And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure
 Fires acorns from out of his sling
 (Here come the cavalry)

 Up, up above the crowd
 Inside their Silver Cloud, done proud
 The bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass
 The butler's got jam on his Rolls; Roy doles out the lot
 With tea from a silver pot just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic
 Along the Forest Road, it's the end of the day and the Clouds roll away
 Each has got its load - they'll come out for the count at the break-in of day
 When the limos return for their final review, it's all through
 - All they can see is the morning goo
 "There's no one left alive - it must be a draw"
 So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin to settle the score