I'll tell ye a story that happened to me

One day as I went out to Youghal by the Sea

The sun it was bright and the day it was warm

Says I, A quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm



I went to the barman, I says give me a stout

Says the barman, I'm sorry all the beer tis sold out

Try whiskey or vodka, ten years in the wood

Says I, I'll try cider, I heard it was good



chorus:

Oh never, oh never, oh never again

If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten

I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up

After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up



After lowering the third I headed strait for the yard

Where I bumped into Brophy the big civic guard

He says come here to me boy don't you know we're in the law

Well i upped with my fist and i shot to his jaw



He fell to the ground with his knees crumpled up

But it T'wasnt I hit him t'was the johnny jump

And the next thing I met down in Youghal by the Sea

Was a cripple on crutches, and says he to me



I'm afraid o' me life I'll be hit by a car

Would you help me across to the Railwayman's Bar

And after three pints of the cider so sweet

He threw down his crutches and he danced on his feet



chorus



Now I went up the Lee road a friend to see

They call it the Madhouse in Cork by the Lee

But when I got up there, the truth I do to tell

They had the poor bugger locked up in his cell



Says the guard testing him, say these words if you can

'Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran'

Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad

T'was only six pints of that cider I had



Now a man died in the Union by the name of McNabb

They washed him and laid him outside on a slab

And after the corroner his measurements did take

His wife took him home to a bloody fine wake



'Twas about twelve o'clock and the beer it was high

The corpse he sat up and he says with a sigh

I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up

Till I bring them a pint of the Johnny Jump Up



chorus X2