A fine romance, my friend, this is
 We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear)
 But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes)

 A fine romance, you won't nestle
 A fine romance, you won't even wrestle
 You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
 You never take a chance, this is a fine romance

 A fine romance, my good fellow
 You take romance, I'll take Jello
 You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
 At least they flap their fins to express emotion

 A fine romance, my dear Duchess
 Two old fogies, we really need crutches
 You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce)
 I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance

 A fine romance, my good woman
 My strong, aged-in-the-wood woman
 You never give those orchids I send a glance
 They're just like cactus plants, (oh boy)
 This is a fine romance