Artist: Frank Zappa

Title: The Central Scrutinizer 

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Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you. He looks 

like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across with a snout-like 

megaphone apparatus in the front with two big eyes mounted like 

Appletons with miniature motorized frowning chrome eyebrows over them. 

Along the side of his disc-like body are several sets of stupid-looking 

headers and exhaust hoses which apparently propel him and punctuate 

his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke rings. In the middle of his head 

we can see an airport wind sock and constantly twirling anemometer. 

The bottom of him has a landing light and three spoked wheels. 

In spite of all this, it is obvious that the way he really gets around is by 

being dangled from place to place by a union guy with a dark green 

shirt up in the roof who is eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off 

every once in a while and lodge themselves near the hole where they 

put the oil in that makes the cheap smoke). 



He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly... 



Central Scrutinizer:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...it is my responsibility to enforce all 

the laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my responsibility to alert 

each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various 

ordinary everyday activities you might be performing which could 

eventually lead to *The Death Penalty* (or affect your parents' credit rating).

Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you who do wrong 

things...and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force 

called MUSIC! 



Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society 

at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever! 

Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny 

paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which, itself, is 

being modified in order to accommodate THE FUTURE). 



I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen to you if 

you choose a career in MUSIC...The WHITE ZONE is for loading and 

unloading only...if you have to load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE... 

you'll love it...it's a way of life...Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...Hi, it's me, I'm back. 

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...The WHITE ZONE is for loading and 

unloading only...If yah gotta load, or if yah gotta unload, go to the WHITE 

ZONE. You'll love it...it's a way of life. That's right, you'll love it, it's a way 

of life, that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, you'll love it. This, is, the 

CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER!