Somebody invented
In a grim little office
On Madison Ave.


They were specific
They made you terrific:
Red lips;
Blue eyes;
Blonde hair;
Un-wise --
You're All-American,
And, darling, they said so


YOU'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T YOU, BABY?
YOU'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T YOU, BABY?
SINCE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A BRAIN,
LET ME JUST EXPLAIN:
ANY KIND OF PAIN
IS NEVER A MAYBE


Her head's full of bubbles;
Her nose is petite!
She looks like she never
Gets nothin' to eat!


She dines with actors,
'N Wall Street characters:
Dull talk;
Nice clothes --
See her?
She blows --
She's so important
'Cause he gets to do talk shows --


AND SHE'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T YOU, BOBBY?
SHE'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T YOU, BOBBY?
SINCE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A NAME,
LET ME JUST EXPLAIN:
ANY KIND OF PAIN
IS PROBABLY HER HOBBY


She has moves up now;
She's come a long way --
They give her bunches
Of words she can say!


When she's in a bold mood,
"Confinement Loaf" sounds good --
That's right,
She's wrong!
Let's end
Her song


(It seems she's everywhere
We just can't escape her --
Is this a miracle of pure evolution?
And all the yuppie boys, they dream they will rape her --
She brings the 80's
To a thrilling conclusion!)


YES, SHE'S EVERY BIT AS TAME AS ME,
ISN'T SHE TENDER?
YES, SHE'S EVERY BIT AS LAME AS ME,
LET US REMEMBER,
SHE GETS ONLY HALF THE BLAME
ONLY HALF THE BLAME
ONLY HALF THE BLAME
UNLESS WE EXTEND HER