At the koc local 313
There's a fat man standing by the soda machine
And he knows, he knows, he knows
Life can be funny

He calls the hair salon says put loretta on
Cause the mall just called and said the last guy's gone
And I know, I know, God knows
We need the money

And he's a big red cherry
But it's hard to be merry
When the kids are all laughing
Saying hey it's jerry garcia
Ain't he cute? 
The man in the santa suit

And all the moms in town bring their brats around
And they can't sit still or keep their rootbeer down
Now it's up, hey how 'bout that
It looks like a milkshake

Now jimmy's grown this year says mommy quick come here
Santa's sweaty and he smells like beer
And he says, kid shut your mouth
You give me a headache

And he's jolly and hairy
But it's hard to be merry
When the guys at the bar
Say he looks like a fairy
But he's doing it just for the loot
The man in the santa suit

[break] verse x2

And he's a big red cherry
He's jolly and hairy
Everyone's laughing, but he doesn't care
He stays cool
Ain't he cute? 
The man in the santa suit

[fade out with intro]