There are some things
That I have done in life
That made me ashamed
and I keep from the wife
Like the stains of butter crumpets
That spilt on the page
Where they will remain
Someday I'll confess
To all those crimes

But right now I'd like to say that I am guilty of the 
crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
Choppin' up the teacher
It was I
Yes I am guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
It was I

It was those cricket scores
that made my claws sink in
Oh that bloody gin
He told us to go fetch her
Though a pterodactyl hatched her
So I chopped off his head
And went to bed
Like I said

It's me who's guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
Choppin' up the teacher
It was I
Yes I am guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
It was I

He said trouble it will come
From the headmaster
And he'll make a right disaster of your bum
And my parents they were called
And my dad he was appalled
When police reported
I'd not done the lot
Younger parents do distrust
Our puplic schools
Well they're fucking fools
Cause would the world be better
Without paranoid cross dressers
I don't think so
I'd miss 'em
And so would I

He is guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
Choppin up the teacher
It was him
Yes he is guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
It was him

Everybody

Yes he is guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
Choppin up the teacher
It was him
Yes he is guilty of the crime
Of choppin' up the teacher
It was him